Domestic helpers and babysitters are not automatically paid fifty-fifty after a separation. The doubt arises because both figures may be present in your child's daily life, but they perform very different functions: a person may clean the home, handle laundry, prepare meals, or look after the minor during the hours when parents work. From this difference depends, in many cases, whether the cost remains included in one parent's domestic organization or can qualify among expenses to be divided.
I want to help you understand where to start without stopping at the name stated in the employment contract. We will see the significance of the separation agreement or judicial order, what the Milan Court guidelines on extra-maintenance expenses provide, and which facts make a reimbursement request clearer. The central point is to distinguish your child's necessary care from the ordinary management of the home.
The Starting Rule: The Court Order and the Concrete Function of the Expense Matter
The first reference is always the agreement or order governing maintenance. A judgment, an ordinance, or a ratified agreement may indicate a monthly allowance, a percentage share of extra-maintenance expenses, or specific rules for assistance costs. If that text already establishes who advances an expense, in what proportion it must be reimbursed, and by what methods, the specific provision takes precedence over general classifications.
Maintenance does not coincide with a mathematical division of every outlay. Article 337-ter of the Civil Code requires each parent to contribute to children's maintenance in proportion to their resources and also attaches relevance to the times spent with each parent and the economic value of domestic and care duties. This means 50% is not an automatic rule: the share may be different if the parties or the judge so provided. The text of Article 337-ter of the Civil Code offers the general framework within which to read individual expense items.
The right question is not who paid, but what was paid. A receipt proves that a parent incurred a cost, but it is not enough on its own to turn it into a claim against the other. It is necessary to understand whether the service concerns the daily life of the home, childminding, a necessity tied to work hours, or a personal choice of organization. This check avoids treating expenses with different functions in the same way.
When the Babysitter Can Be an Extra-Maintenance Expense
The babysitter who covers parents' work hours has specific rules under the Milan guidelines. The guidelines published in June 2025 indicate, among documentable extracurricular expenses that do not require prior agreement, the babysitter service up to the completion of the child's lower secondary school when it serves to cover parents' work hours. You can consult the document in its version published by the Court of Milan.
The work necessity must be recognizable. The service may concern, for example, the period between school dismissal and return from work, an evening shift, or a schedule that both parents cannot cover directly. It is not enough, however, for the appointed person to be called a babysitter: the expense must be linked to childminding and the coverage of work hours indicated by the guidelines.
Outside this perimeter, the same rule does not apply automatically. If assistance is requested for a free evening, a personal commitment, or to accompany the minor to activities decided by only one parent, one must return to the content of the agreement and the concrete reason for the expense. The guidelines do not eliminate the need to discuss matters when the cost does not fall under the expressly provided item or when the family order contains different rules.
Documentation remains essential even without prior consent. Anyone requesting reimbursement must be able to make the period, hours of assistance, cost, and payment understandable. A receipt, a bank transfer, a attendance schedule, and communications on schedules can show that the service was truly intended for childminding. The proof does not serve to make the relationship between parents more formal; it serves to distinguish an expense for the minor from a personal cost.
For the Domestic Helper the Distinction Is Different
House cleaning expenses normally fall within the ordinary needs considered by the allowance. Milan guidelines expressly include, among the home expenses covered by periodic maintenance, those for property management and cleaning. For this reason, the cost of a domestic helper who performs general cleaning, ironing, or domestic activities in a parent's home does not become, merely due to the child's presence in that home, an extra-maintenance expense to be reimbursed separately.
Separation creates two domestic organizations, not a reciprocal reimbursement of every home cost. Rent, utilities, cleaning, and ordinary management of the home are elements that can affect the overall economic balance, but they do not automatically correspond to a single item to be requested from the other parent. The fact that the family used a domestic helper during cohabitation may be a fact to consider in a broader discussion, without turning on its own into a monthly reimbursement obligation.
The actual task, however, can divide the cost into two parts. The same domestic worker can clean the house in the morning and look after the child in the afternoon. In this situation, it is incorrect to attribute the entire indistinct cost to the other parent or to ignore the hours dedicated to the minor's care. If the custody hours serve to cover parents' work and the prerequisites of the guidelines are met, those hours deserve an evaluation separate from cleaning hours.
A contract with the job title of domestic helper does not solve the problem on its own. The contractual qualification describes the employment relationship, but the division between parents also depends on the services actually rendered. To avoid arguments over a single sum, it is useful for hours, activities, and payments to make the domestic service distinguishable from child assistance. Where this distinction is lacking, a written agreement for the future can be more useful than a dispute over verifiable calculations.
How Each Parent's Share Is Determined
The percentage fixed in the agreement also applies to the babysitter who falls among distributable expenses. If the order establishes that extra-maintenance expenses are 70% borne by one parent and 30% by the other, the same proportion guides the reimbursement of the documented item. The fact that an expense is necessary and proven does not authorize, on its own, replacing that percentage with a fifty-fifty division.
The guidelines do not alter already established conditions on their own. The Milan document is a shared criterion to make the management of children's expenses more orderly; it is not a new order for every family. If the ratified agreement provides for an all-inclusive allowance, expressly regulates the babysitter, or requires different communication methods, that clause must be read first. The guidelines can help interpret and organize expenses, but they do not erase specific obligations already undertaken.
Very high expenses also require attention in the payment method. The guidelines provide that when a single expense exceeds 10% of the net monthly income of one of the parents, both bear it directly in the percentage agreed or judicially established. This provision concerns the single expense and does not replace the general criterion of the order. It is therefore important to understand whether it is a one-off outlay or distinct periodic costs.
Reimbursement Request, Dissent, and Useful Evidence
A clear request puts the other parent in a position to respond on the merits. For the babysitter, it is useful to indicate the reason for assistance, days and time slots, the period concerned, the anticipated or already incurred cost, and the requested share. Saying only that a babysitter is needed leaves doubts about necessity, duration, and the relation to work open. Precise communication reduces the risk of dissent becoming generic.
For expenses requiring agreement, the Milan guidelines provide for written and reasoned dissent within ten days. In the absence of a response within that limit, the document considers silence as consent to the request. This is the procedure indicated in the guidelines, not a rule that prevails over different terms already provided in your agreement or in an order. Dissent must concern a concrete expense: necessity, cost, number of hours, or organizational alternative.
Outlay documentation must be sent in ways that prove receipt. The guidelines provide for sending documents within thirty days of the expense and reimbursement within fifteen days following the request. These are useful times to organize the relationship between parents when that model applies. If different rules exist in the order, those must be followed. In any case, receipts, bank transfers, and indication of hours performed are more useful than a request devoid of details.
Keeping a few coherent documents is preferable to accumulating indistinct material. For a babysitter, receipts, the attendance calendar, work schedules explaining the need for assistance, and messages through which the service was communicated may be relevant. For a domestic helper performing mixed activities, the decisive fact is the separation between domestic hours and child care hours. Documentation must explain the function of the cost, not just its amount.
When Work Hours or Your Child's Needs Change
A temporary need can be regulated with a time-limited understanding. A shift change for a few weeks, school closure, or the momentary unavailability of a family member may make a babysitter necessary without altering the entire economic setup of the separation. In these cases, it is useful for the understanding to indicate duration, time slots, cost, and division criterion, so as not to turn a circumscribed need into an indefinite rule.
A stable change can make the original discipline inadequate. If assistance becomes a constant component of child care, if the times spent with parents change in a lasting way, or if work hours change significantly, a generic clause may no longer suffice. It is unwise to unilaterally suspend already due payments: first, it is necessary to understand whether the cost falls under the existing provision and whether a new understanding or a modification of conditions is needed.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is the babysitter always an extraordinary expense?
No, it depends on the function of the service and applicable conditions. Milan guidelines consider the babysitter covering parents' work hours up to the completion of lower secondary school documentable without prior agreement. For services with different purposes, one must read the agreement or order and verify the concrete reason for assistance.
Must the domestic helper be split fifty-fifty after separation?
No, a fifty-fifty division is not a general rule. Home cleaning expenses are included by Milan guidelines among ordinary needs considered by the maintenance allowance. A separate share can be discussed only if an identifiable part of the service directly concerns child custody and related prerequisites are met.
Can I ask for reimbursement after already paying the babysitter?
Yes, if the expense falls within the planned distribution and you can prove it. Receipts or bank transfers, reference period, assistance hours, and reason for the service are useful. If the babysitter covers work hours within the limits indicated by Milan guidelines, prior consent is not required; documentation and compliance with the established share remain necessary.
What happens if the other parent does not respond to the request?
For expenses to be agreed upon, Milan guidelines attach relevance to silence after a written request. Dissent must be reasoned and communicated in writing immediately, within ten days. This procedure operates as a guideline criterion and does not replace different methods or terms already fixed in the ratified agreement or by the judge.
Can we modify the rules if work hours change?
Yes, a written agreement can regulate a new assistance need. For a stable modification, it is useful to indicate service duration, time slots, documents to be sent, and the percentage borne by each parent. If an order exists and an understanding is lacking, it is incorrect to unilaterally modify obligations: one must evaluate which tool is consistent with already fixed conditions.
Useful References and Conclusion
The simplest criterion is to look at the actual service, not just the worker's title. The babysitter necessary to cover parents' work hours may have rules different from the domestic helper cleaning the home; a documented expense is not necessarily an expense to be divided; a percentage provided in the agreement does not change because a parent advanced payment. To delve deeper, you can consult the Court of Milan guidelines on extra-maintenance expenses and Article 337-ter of the Civil Code.
When the agreement text and actual tasks do not coincide, clarifying the distinction avoids improper requests and unwarranted refusals. If you need to read an already provided clause or set up a clear understanding for the future, you can contact me.